A reader recently reached out asking me if there was anything from my perspective as a trailing spouse that causes stress that I would not have necessarily experienced in my life before the Foreign Service. The answer is a BIG yes: Driving and the unknown.

Right off the bat, I really hate driving or being driven around in Mauritania. The way traffic unfolds is so chaotic where people literally do whatever they want at any given time. Back into oncoming traffic. Drive on the opposite side of the road into oncoming traffic. Run red lights constantly, even passing around people waiting at the light to run it. Make right hand turns from the far left lane. Never use turn signals. This also extends to pedestrians, bicycles, or any other form of road transport as well. Pedestrians will walk right into oncoming traffic, in the middle of a green light without a care in the world. It’s like people here have a death wish.

I have been to other places with chaotic driving, and where I grew up in the Philippines, traffic/driving is pretty hectic as well, but just about anywhere else there is a level of conduct or respect that occurs between drivers. Unwritten rules in how things should happen that basically don’t exist in Mauritania. Nick doesn’t seem to mind driving, mainly because it all happens at 20mph or less, but I personally struggle even just being a passenger in the vehicle. Since we have arrived to Mauritania we have been in two minor accidents, both by smaller cycles or cycle trucks that either backed into us because they never bother to look at where they are going, or they try and pass in tight traffic, scraping our car. It’s infuriating and explains why Nick does 99.6% of the driving.

The second thing that stresses me isn’t quite the same, but it can leave you awake at night thinking, and that’s the unknown. Not knowing where the next assignment will be. Not truly knowing school quality at posts you are bidding on. Not knowing if I will be able to keep a job in this lifestyle. All of these things are known issues in the Foreign Service, and I knew what I was getting into, but as Nick starts the process of bidding for his next assignment, an element of stress is involved because the process is so vague. He basically rank orders a list of over a dozen countries, hands it in, and a panel then decides where he should go. Our time in Mauritania should carry some weight in that decision, but the end result is a vague mystery that only time will tell.

One thing that helps me cope is to continually set low expectations, and when they inevitably are exceeded, I am happy. I moved here thinking groceries and food quality would be terrible, and almost the first week here I was shocked at what was available on the market. Similarly, we agreed to this lifestyle without a guarantee I would ever work again, and I was offered a job in my first month at post. As we patiently wait for Nick’s next assignment in the coming weeks, I think of how I could be happy and successful in any of the postings, even the ones we ranked lowest, which goes a long way in bringing peace of mind. The worst case scenario has yet to happen, but thinking through every eventuality is therapeutic to me.

Ultimately, the things that stress me out are pretty commonplace around the Foreign Service, and will likely follow me around the world. That’s okay. The perks to this lifestyle far outweigh anything that brings me stress.

Thanks for reading and please feel free to send me questions! -Angeli