A reader recently sent in the following question that really hit home:
Now that you have gotten a tour under your belt, worked outside of your actual profession, returned back to your profession, returned home for a stretch, and have also had to alternate parenting solo, all within the first couple of years of your journey, do you think the Foreign Service has been worth it? Some of the things you have had to put up with represent my biggest fears as my spouse considers joining the Foreign Service.
When I got this question I felt seen. Being a trailing spouse with a career that has to largely give it up for the Foreign Service lifestyle is no easy task and is something everyone should weigh with their partner, arguably before they even apply for the job.
When Nick first approached me about the opportunity, before he applied to be a Medical Provider, I think I was captivated by the romance and lifestyle of being a diplomatic family and travelling the world to exotic locations. That is still honestly the big draw of the lifestyle, but I definitely didn’t consider what the day to day would be like once you got to that exotic location.
The first 6 months in Mauritania were the hardest for me. I had never not worked in my adult life, and worked literally until the day we moved to Mauritania, so when we got to post and that initial excitement of being somewhere new started to fade a couple weeks after we arrived, I really struggled. I was sitting in a huge house while my kids went to school/daycare and we also had a housekeeper for a lot of the chores Nick and I otherwise were doing back in Texas. I all of a sudden had way too much free time, and with Mauritania not being a hot bed of activity outside of a nice beach, found myself bored and confused. I wasn’t necessarily unhappy, but I wasn’t happy either.
Fortunately, I got a job shortly after I arrived but had to wait several months for my security clearance, and once a week I worked for a local NGO to keep my medical skills fresh, but it wasn’t the same go, go, go I had in the U.S., and I definitely didn’t have any professional fulfillment.
That all changed once I started working, which I have articulated before on this site. Although it wasn’t in the medical field, I learned that I am the type of person that needs something to do. Sort of how some folks try and retire and quickly realize it isn’t for them. Working at the embassy was a great and fulfilling experience. I felt like the work was meaningful, the people I worked with were so nice, and it also didn’t carry the same overhanging stress that you often experience in the medical field where decisions can literally be life or death. Touring new houses to add to the diplomatic pool and picking out new rugs was surprisingly enjoyable. Plus, seeing various ambassadors and dignitaries is just a great experience unto itself. Being a cog in the embassy wheel is cool, no matter what you do.
Nick taking a one year solo assignment was a decision we made together. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it has had the halo effect of me being able to come back to our home in Texas and re-enter the medical field. Ironically, I find myself missing the pace of embassy work, and definitely the lower levels of stress involved. I spent so long thinking I really missed medical work, that when I started doing it, I realized how lucky I was to get the experience at the embassy. Make no mistake, I will always try and find something medically oriented to do wherever I am, but I think part of me was just fixated on working in what I was trained in, and not necessarily if I really loved it. Nick often tells me his favorite parts of working in the Foreign Service are all the peripheral things he gets to do not necessarily tied to medicine, and now I get that more than ever.
In a few short months Nick will learn his 3rd assignment, and by all accounts, it should be a place where we will get to spend 3-4 years as a family that has a lot more to do on the economy regionally and locally. I guess at that time we will know how worth it splitting us up for a year will be. It definitely isn’t easy, but with things like facetime and multiple R&R trips, we will still be connected all the time.
Overall, I still would say it is definitely worth it. There are obvious sacrifices but tons of huge benefits to this lifestyle. In our first 2 years we have travelled more for pleasure than we ever did in the private sector. We have had unique, fascinating experiences that 99.9% of our countrymen will never experience. Our kids have been exposed, educated, and lived in a very unique culture and have adapted well, with our youngest speaking more French than the rest of us. As a family we have grown much closer. Making more meals together even now that we are back in the U.S., and bonding over shared experiences together in the strange place that is Mauritania.
This journey isn’t for everyone, but ultimately, the romance and lifestyle that comes along with being a Foreign Service family is still alive and well, and I am glad we have chosen this path. If anything, coming back home and grinding away in the life I previously knew has reinforced that decision even more. I already can’t wait to get back out there again and explore the world with my family. -Kandi
