Let’s circle back to something I wrote about a few year ago that everyone does but no one really likes to talk about: using the bathroom. Specifically, what happens after. For most Americans, that means reaching for the trusty roll of toilet paper. But here’s the thing—why are we still doing this when there’s a much better option?
If you’ve ever traveled abroad, you already know what I’m about to say: once you use a bidet, you never want to go back. And if you caught the South Park episode lampooning America’s resistance to bidets, you know exactly how ridiculous our toilet paper obsession looks from the outside. The boys’ desperate fight against “Big Toilet Paper” was satire, but like all good South Park, it nailed the truth: America is embarrassingly behind the rest of the world when it comes to bathroom tech.
Why Bidets Beat Toilet Paper Every Time
- Cleanliness – Let’s be honest: wiping with dry paper is basically smearing. Bidets actually clean you. Once you try it, toilet paper feels like washing your dishes with a napkin.
- Comfort – No more irritation, no more chafing, no more buying lotion-infused ultra-soft mega-rolls that still don’t do the job. Just water—simple, refreshing, effective.
- Eco-Friendly – Americans use about 36 billion rolls of toilet paper every year. That’s millions of trees, plus the water and chemicals it takes to make them. A bidet drastically cuts down that footprint.
- Cost – Stop flushing your money away—literally. Installing a bidet attachment is cheap, and it will save you a fortune in TP over the years.
So, Why Is America So Far Behind?
Part of it is cultural. For some reason, Americans see bidets as “foreign” or “fancy.” Some blame old post-WWII stereotypes, others point to clever marketing by the toilet paper industry. Meanwhile, in Europe, Asia, and much of the Middle East, bidets are the standard. Japan even turned it into an art form with heated seats, water pressure settings, and music to cover the, ahem, sound effects.
The U.S.? We’re still proudly stockpiling Costco mega-packs like it’s the height of sophistication.
Flush the Old Ways, Embrace the Future
The truth is simple: bidets are better. They’re cleaner, cheaper, and more sustainable. Once you try one, you realize that toilet paper isn’t just outdated—it’s kind of gross.
So maybe it’s time America catches up. Let’s stop letting South Park be the only ones brave enough to say it: our butts deserve better.
I realize this blog post is sort of silly, but every time I return back to the U.S. for a visit, the one thing I acutely miss is my bidet. My house in Mauritania had them in every bathroom, as does my Burmese apartment. These are two of the poorest countries on the planet that place a higher premium on cleanliness than we do in the U.S., and it continues to puzzle me. Once you’ve been properly “cleaned”, it’s hard to return to plain old toiler paper.
